My Advice for Military Wives...

Being a Military Wife, regardless of what branch your husband serves in, is one of the most rewarding things you will ever do. But then again, being a wife in general is one of the most rewarding things in life. At least, that's how it has been in my experience. 

Now don't get me wrong, you will do things within your life that will be rewarding and fulfilling besides being a Military Wife, like have children, adopt a pet, buy a home, get your dream job etc. So I'm not saying that being a Military Wife will be the only rewarding thing that you ever do with you life, because that just isn't true.

I've read a lot of blogs about advice for Military Wives, and a lot of them were really good. They all had really good, useful information in them. Good places to shop near each base, TMO information, what housing areas are nice/ which ones aren't, if schools are better on base/off base, etc. All good information, that I do believe is necessary to know. But this post isn't going to be about all of that, because with my own personal experience I haven't even had to use half of the things that those blogs talk about. We choose to shop at local grocery stores and not the commissary, we don't have children, and we have never needed TMO to move us, we do it ourselves. So, although I do believe that those blogs contain A LOT of very useful information it just has never pertained to my situation. But here is information that I think to be helpful when you're married to a Military man.

My top ten pieces of advice for Military wives:

1. Remember that you love the man & not the uniform: Now don't get me wrong here, we all LOVE to see our men in their dress uniforms, am I right? But that can't be the reason why you are with him, and if it is good luck with that relationship lasting. Harsh, I know. But it's true. You have to be in love with your husband for who he is, not what he does. Although having him serving our country is an extremely noble thing, you can't let that be the reason you are with him. BUT that's not to say that you can't love him MORE because of what he does. In my case, my love for my husband grows each and every time I see him advance in his job. Recently he was just promoted and he's now a Sergeant. Seeing him grow within his career is something that brings me so much joy. But I would love him if he was Sgt. Harmon or garbage picker Harmon. He's still Adam.  

2. Get used to being alone... a lot: This one is a tricky one, because I know that each job is different so time spent apart will be different for everyone. However, mostly everyone in the Military goes on deployments, whether they are combat deployments or not, they still leave for a period of time. So get used to spending some time without your s/o. I've found that going to school helps me to take up some time, and I've heard other people say that they start new hobbies, work out, get more than one job, etc. It all depends on you and your personal preference, but my advice is to find something that YOU enjoy, not what other people tell you you should be doing. If you like to stay home and watch an entire season of Law and Order: SVU on Netflix... then do it! I've done that, with multiple shows. Between school, my fur babies, and my Netflix account I'm surviving this deployment. Just find what you need to do to keep yourself busy. 

3. Learn how to say goodbye: Now, I'm not talking about saying goodbye to your husband when he leaves. That's a big no-no. That's always a "see you later". I'm talking about saying goodbye to the life you used to have, your friends from home (if you are stationed far away from home), your hometown, and all of the friends you will meet along the way. Now this goodbye isn't the traditional, "goodbye, I'll never see you again", it's more of a goodbye to the way things used to be. If you can maintain the same relationship that you have with all of your friends while you're 700+ miles away from them, then you are amazing. Seriously, you are amazing. Because let me tell you, it is very hard. I'm not saying that you wont still have those friends, because I still have all of my amazing friends, I'm just saying that life is going to get in the way... a lot. From field ops, duty, 3am wake up calls just to make it to work on time for PT, deployments, your days are going to be full and by the end of them you're going to be exhausted. Plus that list didn't even contain any of the things that you had to do for yourself/ any children you have. This also includes friends you've met each place your husband was stationed, because when you (or when they) PCS you will run into the same kinds of situations and staying in touch may be hard. But then again, everybody's experience is different.

4. Military lingo, learn it: "PT is at 0600 and it's boots and utes with formation afterwards at 0730 then chow is at 0900 until another formation at 1300, oh and my cammies need to be washed and we might be PCSing next month and BAH will be different there.." wait, what? Yeah, exactly. And that's not even the hard stuff. Wait until he starts talking to you like he talks to the guys over the radio, then things really get confusing. My best advice, when he says something you don't understand, ask him what it means. Write it down if you have too, if not keep a good mental note of it because if your husband plans on being a career Military man these are things you need to know too. And if he doesn't want this as his career, it is still good to know what he is saying when he talks to you, because trust me when he comes home from work he won't change how he talks, so pay attention and learn. 

5. Base housing, use it to your advantage: Now we've all heard the horror stories of base housing. That loud couple that lives next door that doesn't take care of their kids, or the dog a couple houses down that wont stop barking and PMO patrolling the streets but not doing anything. Well, news flash, that happens in any neighborhood.... even off base! WOAH, shocking I know. This one though, I will say, is personal preference because when you live in base housing you don't receive any BAH (basic housing allowance) BUT you also don't have to pay rent, or any utilities (minus cable). In my situation, living on base has been the best thing for us. When we were living off base, we got BAH but it was a struggle at times to come up with the money for rent, electric, water, trash, cable, car, phone, insurance, furniture payment (because we rent ours) etc. Now living on base we only pay 3 bills a month. Cable, car insurance, and furniture. Granted they took away our BAH but we are able to save SO much more because we have less bills to pay. I love our house, and I've seen other houses on base and they all have been nice. So taking away our BAH is fine with me because we have the assurance that our house will never be taken away from us if anything happens and we run short on our money. Probably the best feeling in the world. Like I said though, this one is personal preference, see what works best for you and your family. 

6. Be a mom & dad, husband & wife, man & woman; basically, have superpowers: Now we don't have any "human" children yet. And I say it like that because our fur babies are our children. And while your husband is away you will have to learn how to do everything on your own. If you have kids, you will have to be mom and dad. If not you will have to learn how to do all the "manly" jobs around the house, and trust me everything will only break/not work when he is gone. You basically have to have superpowers and learn how to do everything that you and your husband do together when he's home, alone. Because if you don't do it, who will? 

7. Never loose sight of who you are: You are your own person. You have your own dreams, goals, wishes, and none of that needs to change just because you are married to a Military man. It may make things a little bit more difficult for you to accomplish your goals in a timely manner, BUT NEVER GIVE UP. Keep pushing towards what YOU want to do with your life and don't let yourself get too swept into your husbands life/career. Now, I do not in any way mean that you shouldn't support him and the things he wants. I just believe that you can support him AND support your own goals too. Like I said, it may be hard at times (moving around, deployments, etc.) but don't give up. You need to be you, not just your husbands wife. 

8. You are not your husband: What I mean by this one is, you didn't go through boot camp, you didn't graduate and you weren't the one who went on all those deployments. DON'T WEAR YOUR HUSBANDS RANK. It's not yours. It's his. Be proud of him, be so proud of him, but do not think that because your husband is an officer that you have the right to anything. You don't. You didn't earn anything. You are no better than a PFC's wife. You are the same. The only title that you can own is the title of a wife.

9. Never unpack completely: This one is also a personal preference, but in my experience I have found (after three moves) that it's best not to completely unpack. Now, I don't mean to live out of boxes stacked up on the kitchen table, I just simply mean that if it's not a necessity don't unpack it. We have been in this house for 6+ months and we still have boxes in the garage that aren't unpacked. I should probably go through them and throw out stuff, because if we haven't needed it this long we won't need it ever. But I've found that it's best to keep your house as un cluttered as possible. Especially if you aren't in your permanent home. If you are in a permanent home and you aren't planning on moving, even if he gets orders, well then it's a different story. But to make your life easier, only unpack what you need.

10. Love with everything that you have: To me this one is the most important one. Unfortunately, in this lifestyle you never know what is going to happen. There is a chance for anything. So love with everything that you have. Argue and fight hard, but make up even harder. Don't go to bed angry. If he's deployed never get off the phone without saying I love you. Make sure you say everything that you want/need too. Don't hold back. Go on adventures. Stay in bed all day watching movies in your underwear. Cherish the time that he has at home. Drink too much and take care of each other. Let him know what he means to you, all the time. You never know what is going to happen. Now, I know that all of this is true in ANY relationship/marriage, but being part of the Military the risk is a little bit higher for bad things to happen. Scary to think about, but it's true. So love him, with everything that you have, at every moment of every day.   

Those are just some pieces of advice that I have for any Military wives that I have come up with based on my own personal experience. Like I've said though, everyone has a different experience so things may be different for you. And that's okay. To each their own. 

xoxox